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Beyond Belief

I am bored beyond comprehension. I had a moment with a hot young guy...but now that's all over and I just am bored with everything.  

Work is sort of eh for me and I just can't be passionately interested in anything. 

How do you reconnect with your life?

I bought this print that says CARPE DIEM that I want to hang in my bedroom so that every morning I'll be reminded to "bring it" as it were to my everyday life.

Although some of us are having a hard time with our search for a soulmate...my friend T is getting married next year.  I'm so happy for her...but life around me is changing.  Although life is all about change...sometimes change scares the hell out of me.

I have always wanted so much for my life...I just have problems with the middles of things.  Relationships start out good and I just want to go to 6 or 7 months into the relationship or to an engagement and not all the other stuff.

I think that is why often when a book gets dull I like to skip to the end to see what happens...and if I like it I'll go back and read the rest.  As long as I know it all works out...I can handle all the rough parts.  It's the "not knowing" that drives me crazy.

And I've been in my job for about 5 years.  This is when my boredom will set in and I think...I need to do something else.  Which is why my career has been higgledy piggledy.  I haven't found my passion...or more correctly I haven't knuckled down and done the work to be good at writing.  I tend to focus on the hard parts and not the joy you get from a story well told.

I suppose that laziness is something that grows on a person, like moss, and it is difficult to throw off.  However 45 is weighing on me...and I have to throw off my shackles of boredom and connect with something.

It may not be a tall, thin man with a big nose as I've dreamt of...but I need to do something before 5 more years goes by. 

The stage is set

So...I met someone over the weekend.

And...I felt like I was 18 again.  He kissed me on the most uncomfortable sofa in the world and I felt full of energy and passion and pure happiness.

Naturally...this is not a perfect scenario.

#1...he is the ex-boyfriend of a friend.

#2...we were in her apartment...which she is leaving...and he was visiting to help her pack some "manly" items up.

#3...he lives in another state

#4...he may be 10 years younger than me

#5...we had been drinking...although we weren't shit-faced

#6...we were making out while watching INHERIT THE WIND and listening to BATTLE HYMN OF THE REPUBLIC

So...we exchanged numbers and email addresses...and we'll see what happens.

If I could do whatever I wanted...I would take the week off and drive to see him and spend every day possible in bed with this guy...or cooking dinner...or watching movies...or whatever.  

While kissing him I felt 18 again.  I felt tingles up my insides.  When I got home...I couldn't sleep.  I don't feel like eating.  I just think...will he call?  Does he like me or was he drunk?  I'm all verklempt.

It just goes to show...that no matter how old you are...somewhere inside of you is an 18 year old that can pop up when you least expect it.