On vacation I have suddenly decided to post a blog. And the site is being hinkey. However...I am back.
What precipitated this? Reading another blog of a former commenter and realizing I knew this person...thought them to be less than compelling...and realizing they had interests and a personality that should have made us friends and not merely acquaintances.
Of course...in college I spent most of my time obsessing over gents with no interest in me and ignoring those who might be interested in me. If they actually existed.
At a reunion a few years back, a guy I dated told me he really had a thing for me back then but that I "blew him off". I remember it the other way. Now time could have changed his perception of the event or I could have totally missed that "thing" he had for me because I am tone deaf to a man having an interest in me. Pick your poison.
My 30's was a series of me throwing myself at various men to see if I might "stick". It never happened, although I am still friends with many of them and their wives. I thought one guy was my soulmate but finally realized that if he wasn't chomping at the bit to be with me, obviously I was mistaken. After he returned from a trip to Europe and was evasive about hanging out and showing off his race photos, I told him to call me when he thought he wanted to hang out. That was 4 years ago. I didn't call him, like I usually would and that ended that.
He always told me one day I'd realize he wasn't that great and would stop calling. He was right. But I still miss him.
I have lost 50 lbs..can wear a size 14 and feel basically cute enough to be date able. But men are looking for younger women and I will be 49 in a few days. 8 days in fact.
I can only hope that maybe I'll figure out how to hear men and understand them. Or that one wants to talk to me. It would be nice to have a partner.